Rethinking Our Alone Time👤

When was the last time you felt the urge to hang out with your friends or family? When was the last time you acted on that urge?

In a piece from The Atlantic titled The Anti-Social Generation, Derek Thompson dissects a paradox that increasingly defines life for our generation: we are more connected than ever, yet startlingly alone. Thompson points out that once-social rituals—eating out, movie nights, even casual conversations—have been redesigned for isolation, even since pre-pandemic times. But this article isn’t another anti-phone rant. It’s an invitation to pause and maybe reconsider how we move through the world.

What immediately struck me about this piece was its resonance with Jonathan Haidt’s book The Anxious Generation, which explores how rewiring childhood through smartphones and social media has reshaped the way Gen Z interacts with the world. Haidt notes that human childhood is a uniquely sensitive period, and that our lengthy childhood might be evolution’s way of scheduling an extended apprenticeship in social learning through play.

Today, phone usage is taking up more and more of our leisure time, while time spent socializing with others, including in-person and online, has dropped to just over an hour.

I understand what you may be feeling at this point. It could feel a bit patronizing to have adults breathing down on us, warning us about the harms of technology and how susceptible we supposedly are.

Part of me wants to rebut with, “What do YOU know?” I would love to just show these adults that I do have control over my addictive tendencies. But if I’m being honest, I am very much sucked into the blackhole that Haidt describes.

The little details in our daily behavior expose the fact that we are becoming more reclusive as a generation; with unregulated, poorly understood, algorithm-driven apps being a huge part of the reason why.

Now, being an introvert is completely normal. However, introversion is not meant to hinder us from having deep social connections. I have a friend who shrinks up in large group settings, but thrives in one-on-one interactions. The problem isn’t that people want alone time, it’s that solitude has become the default.

Thompson notes that Americans now spend more time alone than at any other point in recorded history. We’ve designed lives that are optimized for comfort, not connection. Even when we are “together,” we’re often elsewhere—responding to a snap, listening to a podcast, or watching someone else’s story instead of creating our own.

To be clear: the instinct to recharge in solitude is both natural and necessary. But there’s a difference between resting alone and living in a way that avoids real connection. Scrolling alone for hours may feel easier than showing up, but long-term, it chips away at our mental health.

If you resonate with a desire to build connection and control your tech habits, it's never too late to change your routine.

If you care about reaching out to your community at large, think about Thompson’s suggestion that the shift toward a more social, grounded life begins with small moments: talking to a stranger in the cinema, inviting friends over for dinner, or simply choosing discomfort over convenience. These little moments of friction might be where community is born.

And if you want to start small with just your friend group, be the first changemaker. I am reminded of a Tumblr post from many years ago where someone said they wished they had a friend who hosted little activities every week—so they became that friend.

Who are you going to be tomorrow?